Puzzle pieces that don't quite fit

About a week and a half ago, I, along with several other members of my Father's side of the family, got an e-mail from my aunt Nellie(dad's sis) concerning my cousin, Christy.  It seems that Christy had been in the hospital nearly a month at that point, and things weren't looking good.  The ties on this side of my family have steadily deteriorated since the death of my mother and grandparents, and my Father's choosing to pretend we all don't exist hasn't exactly helped things, unfortunately.  My aunt Nellie was particularly hurt by my Father's rejection, and she withdrew into her life several states away.  Who can blame her, really?

A month prior, Christy had passed out during physical therapy after she had knee surgery.  Once in the hospital, her heart stopped for quite some time, her organs shut down, and her circulation slowed to the point where it was almost not happening at all.
They tried everything- they really did.  My aunt, along with Christy's husband, had to make the agonizing decision to have her legs amputated just below the knees as the lack of circulation had rendered them more of a danger than anything else. For a while, it seemed that she would come through- she was awake, and she seemed to recognize those around her, despite the likelihood of brain damage from the trauma she had gone through.  She seemed to understand what had happened to her legs, but unfortunately in her state she focused her frustration and anger on her Mom, and that would be the last interaction they would have as Mother and daughter.

Christy died this week.  It turns out that the cause of the original trauma was a pulmonary embolism- a blood clot gone awry, and it was yet another blood clot that ultimately killed her this past Tuesday.  She was 38 and left behind a husband and young son.  She was sweet as can be (didn't have a mean bone in her body), and had just landed her dream job after finishing nursing school- working at a children's hospital in the ER. 

Christy and I weren't exactly close- we hadn't seen each other in years, really.  But I always felt like we would be able to all pick up where we left off, if the often-discussed "cousin's reunion" actually materialized. 

I'm sorry that this blog seems to be all gloom-and-doom.  My life really isn't- it's quite wonderful, actually.  I just feel like my already fragmented family just lost another piece of the puzzle.  I've had lofty dreams for some time now that we'll all come together (minus my Father, who doesn't deserve such a great bunch of misfits) and do things like we used to do: picnics, card games, barbeques, gossiping over coffee and cookies...
But I know that won't likely happen.

What I do know is that, while I believe in "creating your own family" from your friends and loved ones of your own choosing, there is something to be said for embracing those that you are bound to simply due to the random luck of birth.  We share a history, we share DNA, we share memories (good and bad).  We've been to birthdays, weddings, graduations and funerals.  We sat at the mismatched table for Thanksgiving and giggled together when Grandma & Grandpa started loudly arguing about something ridiculous when we all knew they both were wrong...again.

Not sure where I'm going with this.  I know I can't hit the "rewind" button as those things don't really even exist anymore, but I sometimes wish I could hit "pause" and regroup.

Could've, would've, should've.  Could've, would've, should've...